We just need to remember to look for it!
There’s Always A Silver Lining…
On Perfection…
I’ve always loved making things, especially without rules. If it’s been done one way before, why try to replicate it exactly when we have machines to do that. I am a ‘change it up’ advocate. I find doing the same thing over and over life sucking. Yes, I steal what is special or important and I work on boosting my tool belt by adding to my supplies and knowledge, but then, I make something new. It’s a great way to avoid comparisons and competition. Both are seriously effective ways to entirely squelch my creative juices.
Perfectionism is born of comparisons and competition, and it is a wasting disease. It creates feelings of lack and dissatisfaction. It stops up pleasure and joy and replaces it with suffering. It disguises beauty as ugliness. It tarnishes this amazing journey.
Wonder and awe, gratitude, play, love, those are the tools I consider most necessary for a good life and creative flow. Giving those tools more importance than competition and comparison shifts the light from fear and suffering and can’t, to the magic of endless possibility and do!
Think about it. Any healthy ecosystem is diverse. An ecosystem full of the same thing, fails. In nature perfection just isn’t necessary. A hermit crab needs a shell with room but the barnacles on the outside don’t matter. An annoying grain of sand making its way into an oyster can be changed into a smooth pearl and pearls aren’t all one shape or size or colour. A chipped tooth on a lion won’t stop it from growling when it needs more personal space. And, a limbed grand fir still stands tall next to the non-trimmed tree.
And speaking of nature, nurture is what I’ve been doing lately. I’m a grandmother for the first time. I have a new job description, more to love, and appetites to tend to. The baby is perfection just because she’s arrived. She doesn’t have to do anything or be anything more than herself.
Even during pandemics, beauty surrounds me. And one thing I know for sure is that:
“Beauty will change the world”https://www.cbc.ca/player/play/1525117216
The ‘art’ of raising a child is perhaps, one not spoken of in the halls of the Louvre, and yet I can most definitely view it as an act of creativity. There is no perfect one way to do it, but do it with wonder and awe, gratitude, playfulness and love after meeting the child’s basic needs and I’m sure you’ll be near the mark most of the time.
Until next time, may all of your coming days be sweetened with spring’s unfurlings. May you celebrate your many gifts or at least, introduce yourself to them.
Everything is going to work out!
Xoxo Sherri
Big Black Berry Bear
Thrive
I’m very excited to announce… my art, artcards, calendars, and other artful items will be with me at Thrive Festival at Silverside Farm in Cobble Hill August 26, 2018. Come visit me there and pick up some tips for how you can ‘Thrive’ along with something special for yourself.
It’s going to be a great day of music, sun, speakers, and inspiration.
Every morning I offer up a little prayer for forgiveness, gratitude, and open heartedness. (Its available on the blog) Often I’ll ask what is needed from me that day and I’m usually met with a little thought that I have come to know as wisdom from the universe.
When I find myself awakened at night, repeating my prayer through allows me to find sleep again. Essentially, instead of counting sheep I’m counting my blessings.
This is a little practice that I have created for myself based on seeking, reading, finding, trying, sifting sorting and finally, elimination. It’s a simple practice among others I utilize that helps me to thrive.
Can you name the practices you engage in to maintain your best self?
Have you even thought about what your best self feels like?
I used to think I was my best self when I was exhausted…
when I’d ‘given it everything I got’ … to work and family
when I’d ‘given 110%’ … to others
when I’d ‘sucked it up’ … and pushed beyond my limits for the team
when I ‘put it behind me and kept moving forward’…for the wellbeing of others
Those mantras, the ones we are sold to motivate us to produce more and more and more… they put ‘my best self’ in harms way.
What are the mantras you have adopted to drive yourself to exhaustion?
I now know that my best self feels light, airy, spacious, as well as loving. My best self is well rested, playful, golden! My best self knows that boundaries are not just okay, but in fact, a necessity.
… Come visit me at Thrive and ask for your free gift!
10 Ways To Be Happier With Your Decisions
‘Essoyes’ Acrylic on Vintage French Linen – unframed – 27 1/2 ” by 26 1/2″
- Say Yes While Keeping No In Mind – You said yes to the apple but it doesn’t mean you said yes to the core. You said yes to folding laundry but it doesn’t mean you have to waste you time yessing on exactly matching corners. You said yes to dinner and a movie…you get my drift.
- Say Let Me Think About It – If there is time before you have to decide and you are honestly considering a yes, actually thinking about it can provide clarity to both you and the other party. This gives you time to consider your boundaries and what aspects of the yes could become nos. Communicating your boundaries clearly can even alliviate the need for no. Be careful though, this is also a stall and avoidance tactic. Beginning with an “I am interested, let me think about it.” will be better received, especially if you follow up.
- Make The Decision Without Expectations – I call these heart decisions because they are always YES and nothing can get in the way of them. These ones take you to places that you’ve never imagined and those you have dreamed of. Saying yes like this can never leave you disappointed.
- Make the Decision Whole Heartedly – Never second guess it. When your head goes there, and it might, go right back to why the yes or no was right for you in that moment.
- Say No With Yes In Mind – This is all about the timing. Sometimes it has to be no in that moment and you may feel some regrets as a result. That’s okay. Reminding yourself that a yes could come at a later time helps to create calm. You are not closing the door forever.
- Body Knows -This is a resounding, intuitive, boundary decision that is always a NO. You feel it in every cell of your being before your head tries to trick you into saying you should because. This is not the same thing as the mind saying no because of fear or anxiety. If you can’t tell the difference, begin paying attention to how the back of your knees feel in fear or anxiousness. It’s usually nothing. It’s usually all gut and chest. In a body knows situation even the backs of your knees will tingle. Listen to the backs of your knees. Listen to the body. Say the NO. Thank the body for it’s wisdom. Never second guess this.
- Systems Thinking – Even when we think we’ve made a bad decision, we can find happiness in it. Thinking beyond yourself to see how it affects others will usually reveal some compassionate goodness. Every decision affects more than just you. Thinking widely about the others touched by it will always give you a reason to smile and a reason to forgive yourself and move forward.
- Mindfulness – A decision is always made in the past. Shrug it off. Let it go. You have now. Breathe.
- Passionate Decisions – You have to have tenacity for these; the tenacity that comes from big dreams and relentless passion and often, love. Think crazy glue. Wear it, pronounce it, believe it, carry it, stand by it, sell it. Never sway from it…until you get ‘there’ and only you know where ‘there’ is. When you make a passionate decision, and you call it that, everyone will forgive your pitbull like grip on reality so you can really dive into it. Never regret these decisions; they happen to help us learn something.
- Don’t Waffle – When you do this repeatedly it makes you feel bad inside and it makes you appear untrustworthy if others know about it. Nobody wants that. Say yes or say no and stick to it. Kick your doubts to the curb!
Good luck with this everybody! Let me know if it helps.
Artist Residency; Last Day
I’m all packed up. I created a lot in a month, some of it good, some of it pure process that I can toss or remake. I guess that was the point. Making. Painting.
But you know, Despite having my guard up, I was totally seduced by the beauty of the place. Ziggy Attias, the owner and conceptual lead has created an experience I have only ever dreamed of. 
We artists have resided together in the utmost comfort of our own spacious, castle like rooms above shared living areas decorated in a luxurious style true to the Napoleon Trois building. The shared, beautifully outfitted bathrooms have served us easily and the studio rooms gave us inspiring views of the little valley. Importantly, the natural light was fantastic during the day and the walls and floors could be dripped on without worry.
As a surprise, we also had most of our meals prepared for us by a gifted French chef, Marie. The food was excellent and Marie was always happy working in the kitchen. It freed us up to paint and it created a jovial family like atmosphere for evening meals. 
Ziggy’s house rules were few and easy to live with. Generally, any minor tasks we shared in were carried out without discussion. They just got done in a manner that was respectful of everyone’s time. With that level of respect in a communal space, it’s easy living together. 
I will miss my new friends but I suspect we’ll all keep in touch and meet again. They’ve touched my heart and become a part of me. I also plan on returning to this beautiful place one way or another. It had the best double rainbow I’ve ever seen anywhere before. There was actually a golden shimmer beneath it. How could I not want to come back?
I am filled with gratitude for this experience in France coming on the heels of my retirement. It has transitioned me.
Thank-you, Ziggy. Thank-you, Universe.
An Art Residency in France
Today I’ve been working on what will likely be the last painting I create at my Art Residency at Chateau Orquevaux. As I painted, the last in what has become a connected series, I began to examine why it was important for me to do such a thing. Here they are, in order of importance for me.
1. Connection
I’ve been painting in relative isolation for the past years, in my home studio, and loving it. I realize now that I applied for the residency not just for the place to paint but for connection with like minded people. I love the artists I’ve met; they are my extended family. We share ideas, philosophies, dreams, and aspirations easily and without judgement. We see the world as possibility in colour, shape, line, texture and design. Picasso’s wordless book of bridesmaids has a storyline we can interpret easily together. Between us, there is only support and sharing, competition just isn’t a thing here. We laugh together when we could be crying and we cry together when we could be laughing. Everyone here is whole and rich and perfect because that’s what we notice about each other first and foremost. We just generally get each other.
Having a tribe, a tribe that I’ve lived communally with for a month, that I’ve shared meals and wine with and created with, who come from all over the world, who are a variety of ages, who have distinctly different styles and experiences, who came with the same awe and excitement I came with, who have the same reverence for art and creating, well, that’s as golden as it gets in the work world. And yes, making art, creating, is work. Important work. Valuable work. The French get that. Connection is belonging.
2. Learning
I’ve loved the studio spaces just above the bedrooms, the rhythm of each artist’s working days, and the chats about creations and processes when studio doors are open. Learning is one of my drivers. When I’m learning, I feel alive. Yesterday, I found out about the brute art movement in broken English. My heart was filling up as I listened. I’d already viewed the exhibit. I knew how it made me feel. Yes, I feel art. At lunch today, while articulating how my painting morning was going, I generally like to paint uninterrupted from 9:00-2:00, I understood how much more exhausting it is for me to paint a series than it is to paint completely intuitively. Intentional painting, for me is less enjoyable. My bucket gets filled when I feel free. April, a writer in residence, understood this feeling and expressed how she noticed it come up for her in her practice as well. Having an opportunity to discuss our inner observations really helped me to consider freedom as one of my basic human needs even beyond art.
3. Change
I have new rituals that I will integrate into my home practice. Eating breakfast, slowly, as well as drinking coffee every morning, is going to happen everyday even without the croissants. I will put more attention into line and into learning about the New York art scene and emerging artists. Opening my home to artist gatherings and work stays will be on my radar. A residency or two every year will become a regular part of who I am and what I do.
4. Joy
I always say, gratitude paves the road to joy. I feel it here x’s 10. This place, Orquevaux, is beautiful. Discovering it and each other; I am so grateful. This is magic and coincidence at its very best! Thank you Ziggy Attias, for your vision and your invitation.
Champagne, Essoyes, and Renoir
Yesterday, the painterly lot of us decided to go see Renoir’s Home in The village of Essoyes. My car got sidetracked as soon as we spotted the vineyards. We knew it meant one thing, Champagne! So, when we came up to our first vineyard, and the chorus sung Please stop, I did. 
After a tasting…I had no idea pink champagne was a real thing…we left with the trunk jingling. When you can buy a big bottle of the best for 14 Euros, you do! So much thanks to Matilda, who provided a loving explanation of her families long history and of the process, in English. She explained that she’d just spent time in Australia, really, but not waltzing.
On the road again, we caught up with the other car in Essoyes. They had chosen the perfect bistro on the river for lunch. I very much enjoyed duck confit with a fresh salad and sharing a creme brûlée, my first one here.
Once we’d eaten and enjoyed our expressos, there is no way to rush in these little villages and I love it, we were off in search of Renoir. Here’s what we found.
1. The houses in these old villages go cheaply.
2. His studio, above was super cute both up and down.
3. His house was not a typical small village home it was very well appointed and lovingly cared for. Credit to his wife, for sure. 
I fell in love with the lace curtains!
4. His gravesite was not the most beautiful thing in the graveyard. 
5. The river that he used to paint beside is in fact incredibly beautiful and peaceful. 
It seems there are no bad days in the Champagne region of France!
Things I Count On
Things I Count On
- Fingers – From time to time, even now and probably always.
- Death – Despite the news about longevity and gene editing, it’s inevitable. I’m here for a period of time. I try to live accordingly.
- Firsts – I love noticing a new ‘something’. I look for it in my everyday. Often I’ll call it a first out loud and it lights me up. For example, today, I’m in the bath and I notice a black spot on the enclosure behind me. It’s a spider. One of those compact jumping kind. They’re quick and it’s heading down the wall toward my head. I have a thing about spiders. It’s better than it used to be thanks to the people around me carrying them outside in their hands to rescue the leggy arachnids from me. So I didn’t scream when I saw this one. I talked to it and it stopped moving, for a second, and then came a little further down the walk. I tapped the shampoo bottle on the wall under it to try to get it to turn around. It did, until I stopped tapping. What I really wanted to do was finish bathing before the water got cold. I tapped a little again. Well, the darn thing jumped! Not onto me or anything but closer. Needless to say I also jumped out of the bath over to the tissue and flushed the spider. It’s not raining now. It’s snowing. That’s a first!
- Kindness – Even when I’m feeling worn down, if I take a breath and choose to act out of kindness, more often than not, it comes back to me.
- Taxes – They seem to always give back to me, now. I like that.
- The Roof – Speaking of snow, a few years back we had a huge, deep snowfall, followed the next morning by very warm weather and torrential rain. We have a flat roof and it couldn’t handle the water that was up there. I remember waking up and saying to my husband…I hear a tap running. Rain and snow melt were running down the inside of walls everywhere! It was traumatizing to have the safety of my house suddenly taken away. I imagine this would be the same feeling of vulnerability people might feel after a fire or a home invasion. It was a pure pandimonium.
- Birds – They are the messengers of a higher power. I’ve had western tanagers and ravens guide me in the right direction, and chickadees cheer me on. Their songs and mannerisms make me smile, and quiet the inner chatter that I don’t want to hear anyhow.
- Change – It’s been a pretty intense not nearly finished lifetime. I remember thinking a half hour of Gilligan’s Island reruns in black and white was just awesome and a sixth channel, when it happened, was over the top. I remember life when I was little feeling black and white. I’m living in a technicolour world now and it’s absolutely amazing! The topics we are discussing and opening up about aren’t quiet or easy. They are loud, important worldwide issues and because of that, change is happening fast. Change is inevitable. How you view it is a choice.
- Enough – I have never really experienced anything less than enough. Even that time in Europe when we were down to our last dollar and had to go a week on water, a little salt, a loaf of bread and a little olive oil, even then I knew more was coming at the end of the week. I feel so very lucky.
- Mistakes – I used to hate them. Now, I don’t. Now they are just side-steps on the journey. The meaning I’d always given the word mistake: wrong, bad, or loss, stirred up old feelings of unworthiness in me and that helped no one, ever, but calling them sidesteps and noticing what they were in themselves has brought joy from new firsts, led me in new directions, and has helped me to love myself. Really, it’s all about the lessons isn’t it?
Boundaries 2
When my VIP’S whirlwind begins, I’ve learned I need to step away. No, I have not always done this because I was raised to be useful. Useful for me, was synonymous with worthy, but useful and worthy are NOT synonyms it turns out.
It’s been no easy feat to step away. Other people’s vortex’s pull at me. When I’m mindful of it happening now, I know to step further away. Getting out of a tornadoes path is just smart survival instinct.
Staying in the ‘away’ spot is equally important. I’ve learned that my unasked for, and that is the key here, unasked for helpfulness can create a complacent dependency in my VIP’s and resentfulness in me. Neither are desirable as behaviors or feelings, in anyone. Stepping away actually creates the ease I want in my life. It’s a step in to how I want to feel.
If you are not yet sure how you want to feel, check out the spirit expanding work of Danielle Laporte.
Example. My husband got a job away from where we live that would bring him home on weekends. My old self would have ‘helpfully’ stepped in and found him accommodation without him asking for help. Now, I choose to see him as capable of finding his own accommodation in his own way and in his own time. He will figure it out. He’s a smart capable man. I don’t need to butt-in and fix everything and create stress for myself and perhaps for him. I used to do that, but now I step away.
Learning to step out of codependency isn’t easy but with clarity regarding boundaries it becomes easier. In this case my boundary is simple and respectful. “I see others as able and responsible. I trust them to look after their own affairs. I will help, within reason, when I am asked or when there is ‘real’ not just sensed emergency.”
When I write and say this boundary I know it is true and accurate for me. It makes me feel both free and at ease. I see this freedom as a deep inhalation for both of us as it allows our relationship to expand.
I remember when I first heard about boundaries, not really all that long ago, I started to look for a book of them. A tangible lot of them that I could/should adopt. It’s not that easy. Boundaries are personal. It wasn’t until I stopped reacting in stressful home and work situations and put my attention on how I was really feeling that I could finally identify where I needed a boundary. Sometimes, feeling nothing was also a symptom of my needing a boundary because I was able to say that I wasn’t feeling the way I wanted to feel.
Step 1. Figure out how you want to feel.
Step 2. Pay attention to how you feel in a stressful situation.
Step three was more complicated and took courage I didn’t know I had. I had to begin speaking my emotional truth succinctly in those situations, to those people. I was worried I’d hurt them. I don’t think I did because my words were about me. “I feel frustrated when I have to work things out twice with you and that’s not how I want to feel. I want to feel the ease of making the decision and I don’t want it taken away.”
And then, sometime after that, after saying the words more than once, the boundary comes somewhat intuitively.
“I will not rehash good decisions when circumstances have not changed. The time, intuition and wisdom that went into making it was all that was required of me.” And with those words, that knowing, I get to sustain the ease that I want to feel. With this one, I’ve found that my certainty becomes a meme that soothes those who find decision making difficult. Again, it’s a win-win.
Once I own my boundary, it’s mine. I don’t have to waffle, or stress or renew it. I find that the security I once craved is inside me rather than outside of myself. So boundaries? They are not tough or mean or irritating. Rather they are the pearl that forms after an irritation. Be patient, collect them, string them together, and wear them proudly.
Sherri Jean McCulloch 