11×14, Mixed Media on cradled board 500$ 3/4 of proceeds to CWAV
I created this piece after considering a post by Kim Korven on Facebook earlier in my day. Kim had posted statistics regarding the number of women killed by violent male partners.
I didn’t plan the painting. Wasn’t thinking about the post as I painted. I was lost in music and was startled to see the haunting image that came through me.
I feel the pain hollowing out this poor soul. She taught me that her freedom was worth dying for.
Laws must change in Canada to protect women in abusive, controlling relationships.
Change is difficult enough to handle when we are completely prepared, but when we aren’t, we can feel out of control. We can experience grief for what we’ve lost. We can yearn for what we had and even try to replicate what we had. We didn’t expect Covid19. We didn’t expect a pandemic. We are all experiencing unexpected changes.
Here are some ideas for managing a range of emotions common during such a time.
1. A mantra for when sleep is difficult. “I am calm and relaxed.” Try replacing those damned fuzzy jumping sheep with those simple words.
2. When you are feeling stress or panic. First recognize the feelings by telling yourself, I am experiencing stress/panic. Second remind yourself that you can relax by thinking of a time you have experienced calm…picture that time in your mind. Third tell yourself that this emotion is a normal human emotion in this situation. Fourth tell yourself that everything is going to work out one way or another. ( Patting your body gently from head to toe while you run through this sequence can also help. )
3. When you feel like crying be strong and cry. That’s right cry. Let it out. Keeping those tears in are not a sign of strength. Be brave and let the tears out. It is our bodies way of cleansing.
4. When you are feeling hopeless. Pray. Lift your chin up, eyes to the sky, if there’s sunshine, stand in it. Pray. I am sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. I am so grateful for _______. I am open to receiving. Build on this structure in any way you want. Repetition is good!
5. When you are feeling a lack of purpose or self. Remember the virus has imposed a time of stillness on many of us. Stillness can be especially difficult for previously very busy people. Culturally, there is belief that still people are lazy, worthless. Remind yourself that by birthright, you are worthy. Remind yourself that stillness is hard work. Your work can be seen around the world in clearer sky’s and animals returning to places they haven’t been. You work of stillness is creating a healthier planet. If you have extra, making helping those without enough your side gig.
6. When you are feeling fearful about basic needs. Seek help. Help can be very hard and humbling to ask for, but help is a wonderful relief to receive. Governments and community organizations have made money and supports available to those who have lost jobs or need food and housing due to covid19. Ask for help.
7. When you are experiencing cabin fever. Make visual calls to check in on your loved ones. Go for a walk and mind your physical distancing. Sit out on your balcony and enjoy the fresh air. Put on you pandemic playlist and dance like no one is watching.
8. When you are feeling unmotivated and empty. Introduce a daily routine. Make it yours and be willing to tweak it as we move through this world event.
9. When you are feeling angry. Try not to lash out. We are all learning how to do pandemic as we are doing pandemic. We are going to make mistakes. No blaming. No shaming. Just learn from each experience and move forward. Try giving yourself some space from what or who you are feeling angry with.
Keep yourself safe. If you are a caregiver, keep those you care for safe. Concern yourself with following protocols, and making brave decisions and moving you and those you love safely to the other side of this. Let every day be a new day to see beauty in. Keep looking for those one thousand things to be thankful for beginning with every new dawn. We’ve got this.
It happens to all of us. The nature of life is beginnings and endings, love and loss, beautiful miracles and garbage dump moments. My keys to survival, to thriving, is:
a. strengthening my boundaries
(knowing what I want and how I want to feel)
b. shifting focus onto the beauty
(nature, self-care, practices I love, moments in my memory)
c. practicing daily gratitude and prayer
Here’s Three Activities That will (Probably) Lift you Up
Sense the beauty that surrounds you.
1.Go for a walk in nature with the intent of seeing everything. This is not a speed walk. It is not for physical fitness. It is a sensory walk. Fill yourself up with the smells, the touch of the air on your skin, the whispers in the trees. Look for what you haven’t seen before and look longer at what you have to notice what you previously missed. Take mental notes as you walk. Take a picture or two of what you notice. Say to yourself, I am soul grateful for ….. (what you’ve noticed – try to do it for five different things on your walk) See like an artist. Gratefulness like a lover.
Shift out of your head and into your soul.
2. Put on the new Coldplay song, Arabesque, on repeat. Turn it up loud. Dance it out until you become a sweaty puddle or your knees just can’t do it again. Dance with your whole body. I’ve heard this called ‘swamping’ but I call it shifting to soul. Good music (whatever is good to you) is soul food. When you move into soul and out of your head its easier to change your thoughts. So when you’re finally a sweaty mess, and you cant hear that song another time, stop and say to yourself, I am soul grateful for…. (the musical artist) (the ability to move wildly) (those lyrics)… Go for five statements. Move like an artist. Gratefulness like a lover.
Process heartache like an artist
3. This one is for those you are fearless with maker stuff. Tape a big piece of paper to your wall or table. Tape down all four sides. I like watercolour paper or poster paper. Turn your upbeat tunes up loud. Grab a pencil or charcoal or pencil and write down the garbage. Sometimes I just use the words, sometimes I can’t so I just make marks as I speak or think it out. Done? Make sure you have nothing else to say. Done now? great. Now circle up to five of the words or marks you think are beautiful when they stand alone. Scribble loosely over the rest. Notice what you love about those words or marks. Say, I am soul grateful for….. because… Do each word or mark. Now grab your gesso or white paint and a big fat paintbrush. White out the garbage that isn’t beautiful. Grab your current favourite colour. Work it loosly into the white, following the music…..keep going. No agenda….just let those beautiful words and that fat brush take you away. Stop when you are ready. What you created is not important. Go shower to be completely renewed. Process like an artist. Gratefulness like a lover.
I’m very excited to announce… my art, artcards, calendars, and other artful items will be with me at Thrive Festival at Silverside Farm in Cobble Hill August 26, 2018. Come visit me there and pick up some tips for how you can ‘Thrive’ along with something special for yourself.
It’s going to be a great day of music, sun, speakers, and inspiration.
Every morning I offer up a little prayer for forgiveness, gratitude, and open heartedness. (Its available on the blog) Often I’ll ask what is needed from me that day and I’m usually met with a little thought that I have come to know as wisdom from the universe.
When I find myself awakened at night, repeating my prayer through allows me to find sleep again. Essentially, instead of counting sheep I’m counting my blessings.
This is a little practice that I have created for myself based on seeking, reading, finding, trying, sifting sorting and finally, elimination. It’s a simple practice among others I utilize that helps me to thrive.
Joy- Available 22 1/2″ by 30″ Acrylic on Paper
Can you name the practices you engage in to maintain your best self?
Have you even thought about what your best self feels like?
I used to think I was my best self when I was exhausted…
when I’d ‘given it everything I got’ … to work and family
when I’d ‘given 110%’ … to others
when I’d ‘sucked it up’ … and pushed beyond my limits for the team
when I ‘put it behind me and kept moving forward’…for the wellbeing of others
Those mantras, the ones we are sold to motivate us to produce more and more and more… they put ‘my best self’ in harms way.
What are the mantras you have adopted to drive yourself to exhaustion?
I now know that my best self feels light, airy, spacious, as well as loving. My best self is well rested, playful, golden! My best self knows that boundaries are not just okay, but in fact, a necessity.
… Come visit me at Thrive and ask for your free gift!
The Quarry – Available 20″ by 26″ Acrylic on Paper
‘Essoyes’ Acrylic on Vintage French Linen – unframed – 27 1/2 ” by 26 1/2″
Say Yes While Keeping No In Mind – You said yes to the apple but it doesn’t mean you said yes to the core. You said yes to folding laundry but it doesn’t mean you have to waste you time yessing on exactly matching corners. You said yes to dinner and a movie…you get my drift.
Say Let Me Think About It – If there is time before you have to decide and you are honestly considering a yes, actually thinking about it can provide clarity to both you and the other party. This gives you time to consider your boundaries and what aspects of the yes could become nos. Communicating your boundaries clearly can even alliviate the need for no. Be careful though, this is also a stall and avoidance tactic. Beginning with an “I am interested, let me think about it.” will be better received, especially if you follow up.
Make The Decision Without Expectations – I call these heart decisions because they are always YES and nothing can get in the way of them. These ones take you to places that you’ve never imagined and those you have dreamed of. Saying yes like this can never leave you disappointed.
Make the Decision Whole Heartedly – Never second guess it. When your head goes there, and it might, go right back to why the yes or no was right for you in that moment.
Say No With Yes In Mind – This is all about the timing. Sometimes it has to be no in that moment and you may feel some regrets as a result. That’s okay. Reminding yourself that a yes could come at a later time helps to create calm. You are not closing the door forever.
Body Knows -This is a resounding, intuitive, boundary decision that is always a NO. You feel it in every cell of your being before your head tries to trick you into saying you should because. This is not the same thing as the mind saying no because of fear or anxiety. If you can’t tell the difference, begin paying attention to how the back of your knees feel in fear or anxiousness. It’s usually nothing. It’s usually all gut and chest. In a body knows situation even the backs of your knees will tingle. Listen to the backs of your knees. Listen to the body. Say the NO. Thank the body for it’s wisdom. Never second guess this.
Systems Thinking – Even when we think we’ve made a bad decision, we can find happiness in it. Thinking beyond yourself to see how it affects others will usually reveal some compassionate goodness. Every decision affects more than just you. Thinking widely about the others touched by it will always give you a reason to smile and a reason to forgive yourself and move forward.
Mindfulness – A decision is always made in the past. Shrug it off. Let it go. You have now. Breathe.
Passionate Decisions – You have to have tenacity for these; the tenacity that comes from big dreams and relentless passion and often, love. Think crazy glue. Wear it, pronounce it, believe it, carry it, stand by it, sell it. Never sway from it…until you get ‘there’ and only you know where ‘there’ is. When you make a passionate decision, and you call it that, everyone will forgive your pitbull like grip on reality so you can really dive into it. Never regret these decisions; they happen to help us learn something.
Don’t Waffle – When you do this repeatedly it makes you feel bad inside and it makes you appear untrustworthy if others know about it. Nobody wants that. Say yes or say no and stick to it. Kick your doubts to the curb!
Good luck with this everybody! Let me know if it helps.
It’s been an odd day. I was supposed to be resting but….
⇐ This is how it felt.
Men. Misogyny. Mistrust. PTSD.
It was a struggle to get back up after I “broke down”. I’m not quite there yet and today was a reminder.
I had a rough sleep. Nightmare. Bad stuff happens to me in the night and wakes me in a state of panic. It takes a while, still, to calm myself and get back to sleep. And then, acid reflux. Almost as bad as a nightmare because it hurts for real so much. It’s stress related.
Yesterday I was told that my disability coverage may end soon. That’s obviously a big issue for me. I have a mortgage, debt exacerbated by having to pay for my care, and the regular day to day expenses of life.Scary stuff. I am working two days a week and barely managing it. I’d have to go back at least four days to make ends meet and well, that’s not something I can think about right now.
But back to today. First, a lovely young woman courageously shared her story of depression and her mother’s bipolar disorder.Second, in a phone call I was told the Woman’s March was stupid. Obviously by someone who had never been sexually assaulted or had experience in being the recipient of mysogyny. After a third, personally troubling bit of information, I lost it. Breath couldn’t hold me together anymore. I felt the inner shaking, spinning, and fear take me over. I didn’t fight it. I cried. I allowed it to happen and to pass. Thankfully, I was at home and not at work.
After a cup of tea and some quiet time, I ran to my studio and got into the paint. I always tell my students to climb right into their books when they read, to lose themselves in story. I do that when I paint. I just paint. No plan. No agenda. Just paint and see what happens. Today it was a little bit of a thing. Red. Orange. Black. Fiery colours that come out of me when I’ve experienced panic. It was a little bit of a thing that reminded me of an email I’d received that morning. I’m on Chris Cade’s list. Today, he’d forwarded something. A little lesson in saying…fuckit…When I’d read it, I was somewhat taken aback, but how serendipitous to receive it today; on a day when I needed permission to let things go.
I’ve kept my heart open by listening with the taps open.
⇐ This is how it felt.
Sherri Jean McCulloch 